i am a stubborn person. sometimes people say determined or even tenacious, but mostly it's plain ol' stubborn. i don't really like being told what to do, or what i can't do, and i often dig my heels in to prove a point. the adage that our strengths can also be our downfall is certainly true and i'm at that crossroads right now. life, and training, doesn't always go as planned.
i'm in talks with a team in training, mentor for chicago, and team manager about whether or not (or how) to proceed from here. because of my mandated rest period and subsequent scaling back of mileage, i'm about a month behind a standard training schedule. now, i like to think i've always been a natural distance runner and so that i of course am special enough to run anything whenever i want to. unfortunately my body doesn't always get the memo and falls apart on me. quite literally, my joints are so flexible that they slip out sometimes. so i'm torn: my stubborn i-can-do-whatever-i-want-no-matter-who-tells-me-i-can't self is all "psh i got this. i'll push through it and do the damn thing!" and my rational let's-talk-through-this self counters with "i want to stay healthy to run more marathons in the future, i should be smart about this" followed by my impatient i've-been-trying-to-run-a-marathon-for-a-year-now self is thinking "let's go run!" yes, i realize it sounds like i'm crazy and have multiple personalities, but people who want to run marathons are a special kind of crazy.
so here's the deal my friends, i am trying to talk/think/pray about this to make the best decision. i want to run chicago, with all my heart, not just for my own personal goal but for team in training and for the donors supporting me and the amazing people fighting cancer. no matter what i know i will run a marathon. it might not be chicago and it might not even be this year, but i am going to keep going until i get it right. adjusting your training schedule is something ever runner faces at one point or another and so we must adapt. life happens and even though i feel feel like i'm running against the clock as my vision continues to get worse, i'll just find another way to do it.
someday i'll be a marathoner =)
please keep your fingers crossed for me!